Trying to see in the dark...

My first week working the night shift...

 I was a bit worried going into the week, thinking  I would be completely sleep deprived after three 12 hour night shifts in the Emergency Room...so going into my first night shift, I prayed the words that so often come out of my mouth in pure desperation... Jesus, I lift this up to You, please give me strength...  And, oh my, I am glad I prayed that prayer and even more glad that we have a God that answers prayer...

My week started with the norm; Caring for the regulars who are found lying on the road intoxicated (even though they were discharged from our ER sober the night before), caring for the regulars whose "primary care provider" is the ER, caring for a few patients with chest pain, and some elderly patients who took unfortunate falls... things stayed at what we call "normal" until I experienced my first full-blown "code"...as we worked for hours and hours on a patient in respiratory distress...

I then realized for the first time...that sometimes in life...after the adrenaline wears off... there is nothing left to do but stand in utter disbelief... trying to make sense of what just happened...

When a young person dies with no found cause and after hours of meds and CPR...you can't help but wonder WHY? Why would this person's life end is such a dark way? With no family around? No pain killers? No grasp of what was going on?

The doctor's words still ring in my head...Time of death:---  Good job, everybody, we did everything we could...

We did do everything we could...but it wasn't enough... Despite the expensive drugs and the bags and bags of blood...it just wasn't enough to save that life...

Over the weekend, as I tried to make sense of this dark situation...then I was reminded in the most beautiful way that, even though we can't truly save lives,...there is someone who CAN...a SAVIOR, a MESSIAH...our KING...!

....I am so thankful that we have a loving God who sacrificed his own life to give us HOPE beyond this life...


I truly believe that God protects us and gives us what we need when we need it. I always knew that the first time I saw a patient die would be incredibly difficult.  I don't think that experiencing this difficult situation the week of Easter was a coincidence... this week I needed a big reminder that we have hope and life beyond what happens here...and what better a reminder than a Risen King!

I am also reminded that God protects his children beyond what we could ever imagine...he protected me, he will protect my patients, their families, you, and your family... Thank you, Jesus~for being our light, our protector, and ultimately giving us life! And Happy Easter!